well readers… i am a little upset!

 Ok, i am going to be absolutely honest, because you do not know me personally and the likelyhood of us meeting is very low.

I have a male friend, he has liked me for years, i have always said no to him, because we have always been with other people.  There were points when he was in a relationship and i was not and i ALWAYS refused  to  help him cheat. so i hope you follow me. Even when i was lonely , and in need of physical attention, it was nice to see a man being so caring and nice with his girlfriend, it gave me hope.

 so last year our relationships hit plateau. i became single and he did. nothing happened for a good 10 months. then something did happen. Now we discussed it, he said nah if i cannot have you on the regular then we have to go back to being friends, i truely  understood that to mean, i want to be exclusive. him a Big strapping strong black man definately would not stand for me screwing around on him. Likewise a delicate brit grown but 100% west indian flower will not tolerate  Any man screwing around on me. so we mosey on for a month. Credit where credits due, i have not been out with a west indian guy for about 4 years ( because they love them a white woman and i am black) but i  give him his dues, guy can work his tongue and can work the stick. Anyhoo i digress, i have been helping him get on the net. I help him set up the facebook account. but today he texts me and tells me that he is in manchester and can’t get to the  computer and so i have  to  edit some details. so he gives me the password and i dutifully go ahead.

so i get in and the newsfeed comes up and i see hermoine princess come up and in the notifications i see a message

“hermoine princess : can you please change you profile to in a relationship with me… i just want the world to know. come on sexy. see you in manchester i am coming down on wednesday.”

well more fool me. DAMN FOOL THAT I AM! NO i can never claim it was a great love affair and no deep down i am not bothered but damn. she wasn’t even that fine. why couldn’t he just be honest. I would have never slept with him.   we were fine as friends. now he done screwed it up.

That deep and meaningful conversation i thought meant something the subtext was only

” wannafuckwannafuckwannafuck.”  we talked it all over. did he like me for real or just the idea of me? Was he sure that it would  not screw up our friendship? Is he really sure that he wanted to date a black girl? (an honest question ) Was it too soon  for us to get involved? Could we still be friends if it ended tomorrow? ( how poinient?)

 guess you live and you learn, so i altered the page as he requested, i replied to hermoine princess and told he yes i was going to tell the world and accepted her request. now  the couple i dub dickhead and the harry potter princess are official.

guess i just got used by a man again. It’s sad most of my pals are married and i just can’t find a nice guy to even be honest with me. mind you i guess marriage isn’t any guarantee of honesty really. But Black girls can dream too! we want a fairytale ending, white picket fences, happy children, loving husbands, beautiful homes. just feels like the odds are stacked against us ever getting it. Sad.

 i know it goes against the feminism that has given me my dearly cherished freedoms, but why can i just have a nice man, one who is good, clean, affectionate, loyal, charming,good looking ( come on  who wants a dog?) and someone who will hold me at the end of the day. someone who wants to marry and have kids,( i am not really into single parenting,  nothing is ideal but women do not get pregnant by themselves) i want a good man.

your sincerely

 sad, lonely 23  and a half, black, decent, loving , beautiful,home counties, england ,europe. world

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Tags: Black women, facebook, heartache, infidelity, lonely, love, sadness

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